She woke up on the wrong side of the bed. That’s what I’ve been telling myself since the moment she refused to eat her breakfast. We were already late for our class as it was, and I’m a stickler for punctuality even if we are homeschooling. So, I held my patience tightly.
I always reminded my kids to respect the ‘time’ not because I have an obsession with keeping it, but because I value the time of others. I imagine myself meeting up with God and with that thought, I wouldn’t dare show up late and that’s what I try to instill in them.
Anyway, since we were already late for our eight in the morning class, I asked her to hurry up. My daughter didn’t respond to my request but after I kept on repeating myself, she let out a groan. You see, that’s one of the things I hated but she keeps on doing that no matter how many times I told her not to. And as if it weren’t enough for her, she told me, in a high pitch voice (it can also be a called a scream), “I know!”
I ground my teeth, keeping myself from throwing a fit but my mind refused to cooperate. In my frustration, I blurted out, “then how come you’re still moving like a turtle?”
This time, she growled as a response. For a seven-year-old, Maia is such an assertive girl. If she’s not in the mood, her responses are limited to sounds that resembled the sound of a roaring lion, seriously.
The day progressed and all I heard from her was the word “no”. She said the word so many times that I lost count. She said no after I asked her to read a story, to answer a short quiz, even after I attempted to correct her pronunciation. Lunch time rolled by, she refused to eat the food on her plate. She said “no” for the nth time after I told her to pick up her toys.
As a mother with a limited supply of patience, I finally broke down after she refused to clean up because, you know, it was almost time for bed.
So, for the last time that day, she threw another “no!” in my way and with that, I unleashed my tongue and blurted out, “No? Fine, I don’t want to be your mother anymore!”
My husband saw the whole thing but before he could say anything, I ran to our room and cried to God.
I told God that I was so tired.
I asked God to change her since nothing is impossible with Him.
But most of all, I asked God to open my eyes and let me see her, the way He sees my daughter.
Lo and behold, He did open my eyes but instead of seeing Maia the way He sees her, I saw myself, the younger version of myself, the way God sees me.
How many times have I disobeyed God? How many times have I told Him no when He wanted me to do something? How many times have I hurt God because I wanted things to go my way, only to realize later on that I was on the wrong path?
Yet, no matter how many times I messed up, God remained as forgiving and loving as He was since the beginning of time. Though there are a lot of instances that I refuse to listen to Him, He never fails to remind me that He would never let go of my hand. His mercy is always fresh in the morning. His love is steadfast regardless of my past, present and future mistakes.
To God, I am still His little girl.
I cried even more after, but one of the great things about God is that He would never make you feel ashamed. All I felt that time was the greatness of His love for me.
Then an overwhelming peace came upon me that I could never explain. It was then I realized, and admitted to myself, that I made a mistake of letting my emotions get the best of me.
I didn’t know that Maia followed me and she saw me crying. When I glanced at her, she approached me and wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m sorry, mommy,” she said.
“I’m sorry, too, for saying I don’t want to be your mom anymore.”
After all the apologies, we prayed together, then I was rewarded with a dozen of kisses from her.
God sometimes uses people to test us, to stretch us. We may never understand His ways but we have an assurance that all the trials that we go through are always for our best.
I would never experience His strength if I didn’t feel weak.
I would never felt His peace if I weren’t in a chaotic environment.
I would never encounter His promise of rest if I weren’t tired at all.
God wants to teach us in every situation. It’s up to us whether we let the tide of life drown us, or we dive into the sea armed with God’s promises to look for the nuggets of wisdom that only come from Him.
Or better yet, let’s ride the waves of life, surfing in the sea of life on board God’s love, knowing that in every rise and fall, He is always in control.
Leslie Anne lives in Laguna, Philippines with her husband, two kids, and Almond, a beagle. She loves to read and to do crafts but she is passionate about God and writing stories and poems. She dreams that one day, she get to sky-dive with Camille. Leslie is a fan of Sidney Sheldon, Dan Brown, and Nicholas Sparks.
Chirpy and Cheeky Moms 